Copyright 2021 by The Sasquatchers, All Rights Reserved for perpetuity across all universes known and yet to be discovered
This is big, Sasquatchers fans! Double Big!!! We’d been on site for over a week without much in the way of evidence, and the rest of the team was ready to pack it in and head back to Sasquatchers HQ… but I had a feeling. All day Sunday, I knew that I had to head back into the wilderness, even if it was by myself, because there was something waiting for me. And boy, was I right!
What you see above is not only the first known photo of the Willow Creek Wailer, but it’s a photo of the Wailer with his mate!
As every cryptozoologist knows, the main thing keeping our field from gaining widespread respectability is that too many of the photos are of cryptids in isolation. Sure, anybody with enough patience (and willing to invest in a crank-operated camera!) can eventually catch a photo of one undocumented creature. But catching a photo or video with two or more is near impossible! Which makes that kind of evidence extra valuable.
For those of you who aren’t experienced scientists: the Wailer is an evolutionary fork of the Sasquatch, rarely documented since their habitat is such a small area of Northern California. They’re a bit smaller than your standard Sasquatch, but encountering them in the wild is unforgettable. They’re completely covered in dark, matted fur. Their musk is incredibly pungent — a mixture of what I can only describe as diesel exhaust and patchouli. They have intense, piercing red eyes that cut through the darkness. And of course, they earned their common name from the almost unholy wailing and moaning sound they make as they’re scavenging for food. Consider yourself lucky I didn’t have my audio recorder with me, because the sound is straight up bone-chilling.
Of course, this evidence is being submitted to all the most prominent journals, after which it will be peer-reviewed by all the major social media platforms. That photo up there isn’t merely hard evidence of a new species; it’s a major turning point for the Sasquatchers!
DEUCE OUT
Edited August 17, 2021
Howdy fans, Tank here. In the interest of science, I feel obliged to add on with a comment. That photo was taken Sunday night around 2 AM, which is also when I was out in the woods with Manfriend Curtis. Like we usually do on the last night of an expedition, we were in the woods performing our Ritual of Gratitude and Cleansing to thank the forest for hosting us during our stay.
I’m not saying that that isn’t a photo of two of the Willow Creek Wailers, but I’m also not saying that I’ve never accidentally turned up in nature documentaries before. Judge for yourself! That’s what science is all about!
Yer pal,
Tank
Edited August 18, 2021
Hello, Curtis here with a few points of clarification:
- I have repeatedly asked Tanqueroy not to use the infantilizing term “Manfriend,” but to instead more accurately reflect our relationship by referring to me as his “Journey Partner.”
- Throat-singing is a beautiful art form that requires years of diligent practice; it is neither “unholy wailing and moaning,” nor is it “bone-chilling.”
- My eyes are hazel.
- As for “pungent musk,” well, that happens to the rest of a group when one person monopolizes a tiny camper van’s shower for 30 minutes every morning applying hair product, doesn’t it?
- Bodies covered in “dark fur” — which is not “matted,” thank you very much — can still be beautiful. As a firm believer in body positivity, I ask only that any photos that may exist of anyone in their Nature State communing with the Earth Spirit be used tastefully and respectfully.